During this month of love I wanted to share a word of encouragement for those who are single. I am currently single (and I always use temporary qualifiers because this is not my permanent situation) and through the years I've heard "words of encouragement from those who had the best of intentions but really didn't know what to say. So many times, I've heard phrases like:
"When are you going to get married?"
"Your standards are just too high."
"Whenever you get married, I'm gonna dance at your wedding!"
"What are you waiting for?"
"Maybe you shouldn't wear heels." (I'm 6'1 & I frequently wear a 3 -4 inch heel.)
"You need to hurry up if you want to have children."
"What you need to do is....(insert random generalized piece of advice here)"
I desire to be married. In fact, I firmly believe that I will be married one day. I believe that as much as I believe there is a God who loves me. For me that question is settled, it's a done deal. The only variable is who and timing. However, what I've learned (sometimes the hard way) is that it is truly better to wait. I've seen too many marriages that have come together for the wrong reasons,(i.e. desperation, pressure from others, because a child was involved, surface physical only criteria, etc) and witness them have horrible endings. I've also seen relationships like my parents and others that have survived the test of time. What I've noticed about the successful marriages that I've been blessed to witness is this:
1. The relationship has God as center. Both parties have a relationship with God and submitted to Him first.
2. Trust exists between the parties. Without trust as a foundation a relationship will not stand. Trust for faithfulness, honesty, no harm, & has the other's best interests at heart.
3. Two types of love is present: agape AND eros. Eros love is the romantic kind of love. This is the love that makes your liver quiver when that person walks into a room. But this love can be fickle. It's stronger some days than others. Agape love is the God kind of love. It sees beyond faults and loves unconditionally. This love will help you keep your promised commitments and will give you the desire to work things out when those storms that will come arise.
4. It's a partnership. While I believe that the man should be the head of the relationship (anything with 2 heads is a monster.), I also believe that each should operate in their strengths. Because one person is not strong in EVERYthing, then the woman should also take the lead in areas of her strength & likewise the man in his area of strength. This could be finances, child rearing, running the family business, etc.
I've tried the imitations in the past and I've decided that I'm willing to wait for this true love. If God desires His best for me, why should I settle for less than that? So to all those who are married and want to encourage me, you no longer have to worry. I am already encouraged. I am assured. I do not despair or walk around with my head bowed down. P4CM Poet Janette...ikz effectively gives the relationship testimony of my past and boldly declares where my relationship mentality is right now. So I say to the ONE who is being prepared for me...just know that I will wait for you and until we meet, Father God YOU are my husband and you are more than enough.